Hopes and Hazards II

It feels good. Feels good to feel it again.
Just the idea of you being there.
Whether you know it or not.
Just love that feeling.

But it's just a matter of time.
I know. I can feel it.
It's just a matter of time and it'll all fall apart.
Just like it always has.

My illusions. My hopes.
If only there'd been a reality in them.
A possibility. A future.
I would have tried to hold on.

Have tried my chances though.
Reasoned with myself.
Convinced myself to end it. Once and for all.
Failed everytime. Starting to believe I love my own misery.

Another one

You are what makes sense to me

Standing in the middle of an undending pasture
I look at the greens all around me, that what surrounds me
I look up at the sky, the blue that overwhelms me

My eyes move around, seeking the horizon
Far ahead, there where the green meets the blue
That what I seek, that where I want to be

The sunrise and the sunset, all the same
Where the earth meets the sky
The furthest my glared vision can show me

I take a stride, forward, behind, left, right
Directions don't matter, the step is what that matters
An initiative I coax myself to take

One, two, three, four...
My weary, unsure, uncertain feet carry me

A driving force that calls out from somewhere within me
Deep inside which says You are what makes sense to me

Five, six, seven, eight,.....
A step more, two more or hundreds
And I will be where I want to be, there where I need to be
There where my mind and my heart will become one

My teary eyes still seek it
Far ahead, the distant
But my feet refuse to carry me
The unceasing space, the distance

A mirage, a hoax, a hopeless heart

Revisting some old runes

Wake me up. it's still a dream

Maybes. That's probably what my world hinges on.
I never thought I'd be writing something for you.
To tell you the truth, I never wanted to.
Even now, I wish could change something.
Something that will clear these words from the paper.

But, some things just happen and there's nothing I can do.
And, other things don't seem to happen and again there's nothing I can do.
Maybe it wasn't something to have made it happen,
But if it was, then maybe that's where I faltered.
I was waiting, hoping so bad.
But finally it seems, it's time that I have happened to run out of.

I still don't want to let go.
I still want to hold on.
I don't want to see any reason, I just don't want it to end.
But maybe it shouldn't carry on either.
I remember telling you, I wished it hadn't begun.
And the only reason is that the end is unbearable and so abrupt.
I just didn't see it coming.

I always thought I was strong.
But then this is not the pain I am used to.

I always thought illusions were tougher.
But I guess memories are as painful.

I will miss everything that we shared.
And the things we couldn't.

And so it is

Sad songs. Touch my heart.

I drown in your lyrics.

I drench my soul in you.

Why I love you so much?

For you speak my life.

Time and again.

Again and again.

Hopes and disappointments.

The blame game.

Eternal pessimism. The story of my life.

No wishes. No desires. Nothingness.

Today & Forever

Love. Today and forever. The same.

Walk with me. Hold my hand.

Keep me close. Today and forever.

For all my life.

Dreams. Fears. Share it with me.

A life with you. Today and forever.

Sunshine

I don't want to write, just one more
One more of my exaggerated grievances
I don't want to write, to rid myself of emotions
Emotions that drag me into an abyss

I want to write, because you are special
I am happy, and I want to it to be contagious

It's been a "Rollercoaster" ride for me
It's been exhausting, but in a good way
All I want to say is, I love you
For who you are to me, and what I am to you

Ruined Memories

The words. They pierced my heart like a poisoned arrow.
It's gone deep inside. I feel it. All the pain.
The burn. Just like acid on the skin.
Justify this wound for the pains I have caused.
No, they all fall short.
I don't want to understand anything. Beyond.
Nothing except what the words were.
They still ring in my ears. Threatening my peace.
My sensibilities. Everything that I felt and believed.
The love that was. Shattered now.
The memories that were. All ruined now.
Thanks for all the pain.
I have been beaten again.

Love As I Know It

I miss you. Yes I do.
Don't want to put it into words every time.
Just want you to understand it.
Does everything have to be explicit?
Am I asking too much?

Love is a need. Yes it is.
Should I be afraid of accepting it?
Afraid of needing you?
Afraid that I need you more?
Should it even matter?

Why can't it be selfless?
I just want to be in love.
Without any care, without a fear of "what ifs".
I want to be in love, just because I am.