Defeated?

My mind and my thoughts. Distanced once again.
A need to acquaint the two all over again.
I seem to have stopped thinking, stopped communicating with whatever lays inside the hardened skull
Maybe it is all for the better good
For after all, I am an escapist
But still for a reason, I miss it all
For every moment of my insanity that were. I still miss my utterly painful self-deliberations

It has always been a strange, unfair world out there
Liars and hypocrites swearing on their honesty
Why the need to shout out your tribulations. To certify them in front of whom?
Just because you keep your agonies to yourself, you are judged unfeeling

I do realize am trying to hide my faults again. Judging people in a way I feel they judge me
Letting the heart cloud the reasons of the mind
Crucifying a person for the hatred I invited onto myself
It's true, am so scared of the lies and the hypocrisy around me
But I still manage to live. And I will for the time destined
But will I survive? All the while, as I grow more and more scared of my own self